Adult Crushes: Are You Not Embarrazzed?

Having a crush as an adult is incredibly embarrassing. Like, why am I nervous af and cheesing so hard??? Am I 12?!?!

Usually when I have a crush it’s from a far and the guy doesn’t know since I'm awkward as hell and it'll just be weird. But what if I told you that I recently had a crush for 3 years and he knew the whole time..... girl. Honestly, truly...embarrazzed.

Unfortunately for me when I have a crush all of my good sense goes out the window and my brain stops working. It's like I can't even form my sentences correctly or speak in a way that sounds remotely intelligent. I remember when me and this crush were around each other and they were wearing glasses. I said that I didn't know he wore them and he said they were blue light blocking lenses for his computer. The next words out of my thirty-something mouth were "so they don't have any medicine in them??" LMAO. In another instance with this same person, I was trying to talk about how the 40 hour work week is a scam and we should just be working to live (NOT living to work) and experiencing all of Gods creations. Instead, I said we "shouldn't be working and we should just exist". He said "and do what though??" In hindsight I realized I sounded like a bum and that's not attractive to anyone! Even Jesus had a job, girl. 

In an effort to get ahold of myself and away from these school-girlish ways since this crush has made it extremely clear that ain't nothing going on with us. I realized that if I wanted to fall in love this year I needed to start putting actions behind my wishes and part of that was to stop romanticizing the dates I wanted with this person and LISTEN to what this man was saying for real. I saw him again recently and while I was much less nervous around him this time he said a lot that let me know we want different things. Now I still believe that he has great qualities, I knew I needed to let my fantasy of meeting through friends go... at least with this man.

I hope the next time I'm crushing on somebody's son I can still be my quirky self, but in a much more clearly communicated and not so nervous way. I've already been feeling like God is teaching me to stay present in situations as to not overthink like I usually do and this was another example of that. So while I take this crush ending as a learning lesson, Imma jam my way into the next one with the crush-themed playlist below because that's just how I am.

Well, that's all for now. Byeee!