Learning to Advocate for Myself.

 For as long as I can remember I have rarely, if ever, spoken up for myself. My earliest memory of this was when I started applying to colleges and knew I wanted to go to my mom's alma mater, Clark Atlanta. When I told my parents my plans I got a swift "not happening" from them since there would be out of state fees to pay. Because I had our state's funded scholarship program which only applied to schools in Florida they pretty much directed me back to schools in Florida. But instead of applying to Clark anyway, just to see if I could even get in, I took their word as law and started looking at schools in Florida. 

I think about that choice quite a lot because I know how one decision can alter the course of your life. I mean, I could've had a not so great experience, or a positively transformational one, but if I had gone there I never would've met my now best friends and would've missed out on the last few months my dad was living.

During the start of my self reflection journey last year, I started noticing this pattern of something questionable or extremely out of pocket would happen. I would stay silent. Time would pass and I would think about what happened. Then I'd get angry not only because of the situation but because I didn't speak up. 

As a matter of fact, in the last few months of 2022 I had some situations come up where I either didn't speak up or reacted from a place of "being nice", which backfired on me (more on that later). Sometimes when a situation is stressful or negative it takes a moment for me to process things as they're happening. What I'm learning though is how important it is to try to stay present in those situations and not black out. So giving myself grace in the moment and maybe stepping aside to collect my thoughts is looking like the move. Whatever I gotta do to feel calm, make a sound decision, and not say anything hurtful.

This journey of speaking up is quite an interesting one when you've spent most of your life not doing it. 2023 is all about challenging myself to do the things I would never do, because of fear, in order to create the life I want. So here's to that girl being unapologetically loud about what she needs ESPECIALLY when people got her messed up!

Well, that's all for now. Byeee.