What Friendship Means to Me.

Friend is not a word I like to throw around loosely. Especially now as a 30-something (I am really leaning into this word like a true millennial) who has experiences that let me know what I like and dislike in my chosen family.

For a long time I looked at friendship as more of a longevity thing. Like, I've known you for this long, you don't annoy me to the point where I don't want to be around you, and you're fun. Since the pandemic though, I have been thinking A LOT about my relationships with people I consider my friends. So much so that early on in the pandemic I asked a few "why are you friends with me?" to gauge if I was just around for the hell of it. 

In January when I read Nedra Tawwab's book Setting Boundaries, Finding Peace it unlocked some memories I had forgotten about in the chapter when she touched on friendships. Some things she mentioned were friends who mock you or intentional try to embarrass you in front of others, friends you don't feel safe sharing things about your life with, and friends who are in competition with you. While I don't think I've had the latter happen, the first two I remember so easily now and I wonder why I didn't notice it as clearly before.

In honor of my new enlightenment I've decided I'm no longer tolerating foolishness on a count of "I've known you for this long". No ma'am. What friendship looks like to me is a safe space, someone who challenges me to see a different perspective, someone who shows up for me (especially on my birthday), and laughs with me. 

I've had a few friendship breakups in my day- some where we simply just stopped talking, where there was an argument which caused months of noncommunication, and some where we just grew apart and never spoke about it. What I know now though is if I want the person in my life, I'm going to put in the effort to do so. But even effort will look different to everyone and that's where communication comes in. Hopefully the person you deem your friend respects how you communicate and you respect them as well. We're all just out here trying to better ourselves and one place that shouldn't be so hard is a place with people you've chosen to be in your life.

Well, that's all for now. Byeee!