Why I'm Single on Valentine's Day.

 

Happy Love Day to all who celebrate! Also, when did Valentine's Day get rebranded to "Love Day"? Idk how I feel about it yet, but I said it to be hip. DJM. So how does one spend Valentines Day as a single? Well, this year was pretty much the same as years prior- watching Love Jones and eating pita chips! A very romantical night just for me.

For as long as I can remember I have shied away from dating. The furthest I ever got as an adult was simply crushing on somebody's son silently. My relationship with the opposite sex has been...interesting. As a young girl I was too dark which meant, back then, I was too ugly. And this belief really gave my self confidence the punch it needed to be low to the flo'. But even the low self esteem girlies are booed up sometimes so why not me?

In hindsight I know that from then into my twenties I just wasn't ready. No matter how many times teenage me sang "Ready for Love" by India Arie it just wasn't meant to be then. Honestly I would've been a horrible girlfriend with extreme lack of communication with that side of low self-esteem. A true bad b*tch duo...and not in the good way.

Another reason for my lack of dating life is fear. As an adult the reason was to avoid heartbreak. After the loss of my dad and seeing my mom lose the love of her life I knew there was no way I could handle a romantic heartbreak. So I chose to not participate. While my friends in college were dating around and kissin' up on boys, I was in my room listening to music when I should've been studying out with them. The thought of risking your peace for a person who could wreck your shit by cheating on you, lying to you, maybe even stealing from you even after all of those great memories you've created together was something I was not interested in. It wasn't until last year when I processed all of this and knew I finally wanted to take the chance to fall in love. This was due to me wanting to to experience motherhood and not voluntarily being a single parent of course. 

So this year, I'll be actively manifesting my man, being open to receiving, and self-aware enough to be ready for an actual relationship. I've already fumbled though since a man I met on my way to the airport last week was pretty much throwin' it at me. I just thought he was being nice and didn't think much of it until 20 minutes later. A test I obviously failed, and while it would've been nice for him to just ask for my number, that situation let me know to be more present when I'm around people. So present I will be.

The internet says it's hard out here in the dating streets so please, keep me on the prayer list this year!

Well, that's all for now. Byeee!