My Self Worth is Tied to My Career.

 "So what do you do?" It's a seemingly innocent question and probably asked by someone you've just met. This, unfortunately for me, is also a question that makes my anxiety go on a thou wow. For a few reasons.

As someone who has yet to land a role in her desired field or do something fulfilling, I struggle often in social situations when I know this question will be asked. I wasn't always this person who was ashamed of what she did, but somewhere it my twenties is when I noticed it. Embarrassed by job titles that helped me pay bills but weren't "glamourous" as a college educated person, also embarrassed because I was busy associating age with what I "should have accomplished". Basically, being in my own way (more on that later).

Over the course of my adult life I've had a ton of non-traditional type jobs for someone with a college degree. Lots of internships, freelance opportunities, and my comfort career, customer service. Over this past year I've been trying very hard to disassociate my worth from what I do and restructure my thoughts to be happy for work PERIOD especially during a time where the job market is just unstable af.

For about 3 or 4 months in 2022 I was able to use those comparisons that would cause depression as motivation for me to keep going because "if 12537654 people can do it, why can't you?". It was a good run, maybe even a great one. I was super optimistic for the future! While my heart was in a good place, my head wouldn't catch up and comparisons from the past crept right back in. Just as recently as a few days ago I was in my sad girl bag about it.

Here's what I'm learning: all of this shit is a p-r-o-c-e-s-s. You can't just optimism your way out of sadness when your mind isn't right. We all have bad days and nothing happens overnight which is why you have to keep affirming yourself anyway. Thanks to YouTube, I've found tons of affirmations for free99! Depending on what I want to be intentional about I can switch it up to financial affirmations, self-esteem, or health. My personal favs are Lavendaire and Alanna Foxx!

To anyone else who may be unlearning the idea that what you do defines who you are, this ones for you. Whether you're a C-level girlie, entry-level or even no-level, we are much more than who we're working for and what we do. As I've said, I'm challenging myself this year to find interests outside of things I'd usually gravitate towards to hopefully find a new hobby or something that just makes me happy. The world is huge! Lots to see and do and I'm tryna do and see it all.

Well, that's all for now. Byeee!