Home for the Holidays.

 The last time there were Christmas decorations in my childhood home was 2007. That was also the last Christmas my mother and I spent with my dad.

Every year in December, like clockwork, I think about when I came home from my freshman year of college in 2008 and begged my dad to bring the tree down from the attic and throw some lights up on the house. He told me I was too old for all that, but I told him I didn't care because Christmas is special to me. He then suggested that we just put the decorations up next year since I was so adamant and I said okay. Who knew that by May 2009 I wouldn't get to make any more holiday memories with my parents as a family. 

The holidays are hard. Especially when you come back to a place where so many memories are shared with the loved one who's no longer present in the physical. It's taken me years to finally understand the blessing of even having memories to think back on and smile about. What's even greater is knowing in the sadness you aren't alone. Luckily I have my mom who always listens when I'm feeling sad or want to share a memory. 

This year though, I threw some decorations over the fireplace to jazz it up and also decided my mom and I are taking Christmas pictures. The weather outside might not be frightful, but inside the house it's looking a lot like Christmas, okay! 

To anyone reading this who may be struggling with grief during the holidays, as cliché as it sounds, those memories are really the special parts of life. You'll always have some song or tradition that will make you think of them, so do those things in their honor. This is also me reminding myself since grief is still very present for me.


That's all for now. Byeeee.